23 September 2008

Nation's pigs to sue Obama

FRONTENAC, KS – The Obama campaign, already reeling from the surge in Republican support following Alaska governor Sarah Palin's addition to the ticket, faced another headache today. Senator Obama's quip about lipstick and pigs has led to the National Association for the Advancement of Porcine People (NAAPP) filing a $10 million law suit against the Democratic presidential nominee for defamation and emotional distress.

Speaking from his mud hole in eastern Kansas, NAAPP chairman Clancy Swineberger explained the move. "We hogs have been called a lot of names over the years, but this is just too much. Smelly, dirty, lazy, heck, my late brother was even called stringy. But Barack Obama comparing us to that freaking nutcase from Alaska is the final insult. We pigs aren't gonna take any more shit. Unless we can roll in it mind."

Attached to the lawsuit, which demands a retraction and full apology from Obama, is an extra bid for the word "pork" to be taken out of the nation's vocabulary when referring to congressional earmarks. "We just don't like all the bad talking of pigs in this country, especially from the Democrats. The NAAPP have always voted blue, even in red states like this, but we don't know what to do now."

An emergency meeting of the NAAPP executive council is being convened in a shallow pool of filth on the outskirts of Des Moines, Iowa to discuss who to support in the presidential election this fall.

"If only there was a goddamn Jew on a ticket this year. They may not like us, but they won't eat us."

By Nick Cooper

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